1. Plays tennis = Not on a court, just on the profile.

2. 6 foot tall = 5’ 11" wearing shoes.

3. Hung = One inch bigger than someone considered small.

4. HORNY = Built like a rhino.

5. Looking for great personality = Until they see your pic.

6. Age = depends on which ad they’re answering (pity the poor soul that posts several responses to the board).

7. Open communication = Chats with you in one word sentences when they’re not interested.

8. Not into one night stands = They have a nightstand on both sides of their bed.

9. In good shape = Could benefit from 10,000 situps.

10. Long Term Relationship = Anything over two weeks.

11. Looking For Cute & Mature = Wants a 23-year-old stud with the stability, financial resources and wisdom of someone 50.

12. Moonlight walks on the beach = Lives in Iowa, but will move in with a Sugar Daddy who lives in Newport Beach, CA.