A vet gets a midnight phone call from a farmer. I`vegot a very constipated cow - been like it for days, it`s in great pain, what can I do?

Sleepy vet, knackered after working all day and all evening, says: If you`ve got one of those small bottles of highly concentrated milk of magnesia, get that down it and I`ll call you in the morning to see how it is.

Next morning the vet rings: How`s the constipated cow this morning?

Cow? says the farmer. I said cat.

Oh God, says the vet, did you give it the concentrate?

Yes, I got the whole bottleful down its throat, I used a small funnel.

Oh Jesus, says the vet. how is the cat?

It`s out in the garden.

Dead I suppose? said the vet.

God no, said the farmer, it`s out there with four of his mates, two digging and two filling in.