Marriage Full of Passion

The greatest sexual pleasure in life is possible in one's middle and later years, when a mature sense of self has been achieved and genuine intimacy is possible with another person. Dr Schnarch shows how the details of your sexual style -- from kissing to daring erotic behaviors -- are a window into you, your partner, and your relationship. Here he shares some of his revolutionary ideas.

Nine Ideas
Foreplay is more than a collection of techniques designed to arouse your partner -- it's a negotiation about the level of intimacy, eroticism, and meaning of what comes next.

Sex is a language people always touch in ways that express who they are and how they feel about themselves and their partner. The minute details of your most intimate sexual behaviors and kissing and hugging are windows into our life history.

What we do sexually is connected to who we are as people. Changing sexual behavior stretches our notion of "who I am," and that is its true purpose in marriage.

The people-growing processes of emotionally committed relationships are not unique to sex. They also surface in common struggles about money, kids, parents and in-laws.

Sexual boredom, disinterest, low desire, and intimacy "problems" are an inevitable and purposeful stage in the evolution of a relationship. They are not signs of "falling out of love," but rather pathways to developing the capacity to love. Couples can stop feeling guilty about having "problems" in their marriage -- it's an indication that their marriage is working.

Giving up on your marriage doesn't always mean you get divorced -- lots of people give up on their marriage and stay together. They have no passion for sex, each other, or life.

We usually think problems with sex and intimacy are caused by how we're uniquely screwed up, but they're often caused by being normal. If you're well adjusted to ill-fitting beliefs that permeate society, you're going to have trouble.

Problems in marriage don't come from lack of intimacy -- they come from our inability to tolerate truly being known by the person most important to us.

Sexual boredom isn't caused by indifference or emotional estrangement or lack of security to experiment -- it's caused by your spouse becoming too important to risk his/her rejection. Indifference is the end result of attempting to diminish his/her impact on you.