Romance And Love Articles
Although girls may not feel the same physical urgency to masturbate as guys (at least not as often as guys), girls definitely experience sexual arousal, particularly during puberty. It is often not only a physical experience but an emotional one as well. Remember all of those screaming, crying girls at the Beatles' concerts? That was a heavily hormone-influenced response.
Many women, whether they have masturbated or not, feel embarrassed or ashamed about masturbation. It is not usually a subject shared with your girlfriends. Some girls, anxious to please their boyfriend or to try expressing their own sexuality, will have sexual intercourse long before they are ready to deal with the emotional impact that goes with it. Masturbation is a healthy way for females to satisfy their sexual feelings and learn about their own sexual response. It is particularly important for a woman to understand her own body and sexual response, because it is not something that will be learned from a male lover -- another mistake many of us make. (Okay, before I get nasty e-mail from guys reading this page, let me say that I'm sure there have been some men out there who have enlightened their female lovers, but I think most women would be safer not to depend on it.) For this reason, it is not surprising that many women have been sexually active for years with male lovers but have NEVER EXPERIENCED AN ORGASM. This is a tragedy -- and it definitely reinforces the importance of a woman being in touch with her own body and sexual response.
THE BASICS OF FEMALE MASTURBATION
Time, mood, place.
One of the most important things to realize when masturbating is that you need to be relaxed and undistracted in order to really enjoy the experience. Think of this as your time. Take the phone off the hook, lock the door and spend some quality time with yourself. I'm aware that this is not always easy as it sounds, especially if like me you have kids and a Hubby, but I really can't stress enough how important it is to try to find time. Women fill so many different roles, are many things to many people, that it's easy to forget that you are also a person. Taking time for yourself is not being selfish and is not something you should feel guilty about. Everyone needs to take some time away from the rigors of the outside world once in a while.
How you find this time is up to you. One of the ways I do it is to go to the one safe haven in our house, the bathroom. It has a lock; it has a shower and a nice long tub for me to lie in. I can light candles or leave the main light on, I can read a book in peace and I have a very good masturbation tool in the showerhead as well as a pair of hands at my disposal. [One word of warning here if you normally masturbate with a vibrator, please make sure it's waterproof before using it in the bathtub or shower, especially if you normally use an electric one!! I'm told that electrocution is not a pleasant experience!! ]
Another option is of course the bedroom. You may want to consider putting a lock on the door, so you can completely relax without fear of intrusion. Again you have a ready-made multitude of tools at your disposal here to aid your experience if you so wish. Most bedrooms contain a mirror, in many cases a full length one. All contain pillows that can help with positions; most have a cabinet for stashing lubricant, sex toys and erotic books.
Both of the above are great options for settings and you can always dress them up for the occasion. I'm not talking party balloons and hats dressing up here, I'm talking mood setters. By this I mean change the bed linen to your favorite, have some music playing in the background, light some candles, basically find an environment that you can really relax and be comfortable in. The truth is the more time you put into the preparation the more you'll get out of the experience. I find it also makes me look forward to what's to come more; the anticipation of spending time alone with myself is sometimes half the fun.
So your room is set, your candles lit and now you're wondering what the hell to do next...
For the purpose of this section I'm going to use the bedroom as my setting as it's where most women choose to masturbate.
Although many of the techniques listed in this section are tried and tested, it's important to remember that none of them are guaranteed. Just because something works for one women doesn't mean it will work for another. The secret here is to really lie back take the time to really get in touch with your own body. Many women are uncomfortable with the sight of their own naked bodies. One way in which you can begin to feel more comfortable about your own body is to stop comparing it with others. Remember that each of us is individual and our bodies are a simple reflection of that individuality. Getting comfortable with your own body is an important first step to a better sex life and masturbation can aid in this.
If you're one of the many women who feel uncomfortable about taking your clothes off and seeing yourself naked there are a few simple steps you can take in the comfort of your own bedroom to help overcome this. Remember that mirror I mentioned earlier, now is a good time to go and stand in front of it. Slowly begin to undress and watch each part of your own body as it's revealed to you. Once your completely undressed, begin to stoke your body, maybe caress your neck, still watching yourself in the mirror, now slowly beginning to move your hands down your body towards your breasts, still watching. Keep doing this and take it slowly, step by step and you will find that you will become more comfortable with not only the look of your own body but also the feel of it. You may even discover erogenous zones you didn't even know you had!!
Once you're naked, pull up a chair and sit on it's edge with your legs open and take a good look at your genitals in the mirror. See all those folds and curls? They are what make you as unique as the shape of your nose or the color of your eyes. No two vulvas are the same and taking the time to get familiar with yours is time well spent. In order to feel comfortable masturbating, you need to understand your anatomy, what it does and how it can make you feel. Try pulling your labia gently apart and examining your clitoris and vaginal opening. Try gently stroking your clitoris and watch what happens in the mirror. Insert your finger into your vagina and see how it feels, some women enjoy the sensations but many don't, just remember there are no wrongs here! Just gentle exploration and getting to know yourself a little better. This is your time and no one else, so there is no pressure and no reason to wonder if what you are doing is right. If it feels good to you then you're doing it right is the general rule of thumb when it comes to self-love.
Below I've described some basic techniques you might like to try as you explore your body a little more:
Place your thumb and forefinger on either side of your clitoris and gently roll it between your fingers. Start slowly and gently and explore until you find the speed that works for you. A variation of this technique is to use both hands and roll your outer lips between the fingers. If your clitoris is sensitive to the touch this can be a great technique to try.
With two fingers placed directly on your clitoris move them in a circular motion. As always try varying the speed and position of your fingers.
Try drawing circles around your clitoris with your middle finger. Again a great technique if you have a sensitive clitoris like many women do.
Trace the alphabet on your clitoris with your index finger. Another great way to discover how certain stokes may affect the sensations your body can produce.
You may like to try placing a finger inside yourself and thrusting it back and forth. A little lubricant can be useful here. Then take your fingers and tap them gently against your clitoris. Vary the speed and intensity of each tap, if you're playing music listen to it's beat and try to develop a rhythm.
Try changing positions. You'll most likely be surprised just how different the sensations of all the above techniques change as you change position. Try sitting, standing, squatting or laying on your belly as well as your back.
The key here is to have fun and become comfortable with your own body and the feelings it can produce as you explore it. This is a way of learning to communicate with yourself, get in touch with your sexual side without fear of rejection or getting it wrong because remember there's no wrongs here.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this section there are as many ways to masturbate as there are women masturbating. Being comfortable with your own body is the first and most important step you will take on this journey of sexual discovery.
Sooner or later the majority of us learn to achieve an orgasm from masturbatory activity of some sort or another. Once we find a way of 'getting off' it can be the easy option to stick with that method all the time. Though that may be fine if all you want is a surefire orgasm, 'variety is the spice of life', and a few alternative techniques may just add something to your fun. In this section we have recorded a whole range of techniques that we have tried or which we have heard of and think sound practical and fun. Feel free to try any or all of them, add to them if you want and, of course, let us have details of your special ways of getting off.
The simple truth is there are as many different masturbation techniques as there are women masturbating, and that's more than you might think!! If you've never tried to masturbate before then I suggest you begin by using what you have at your fingertips, umm, your fingertips, before moving onto more advance techniques and spending your hard cash on sex toys.
Toys are great but I personally think there is no better way to explore yourself than with your own fingers, after all you expect your partner to!
Most girls probably first discover masturbation by innocently touching their genitals with their fingers. Its therefore probably not surprising that hand and finger stimulation of the vulva and clitoris is reported to be the most common method of masturbation among women. It is also the easiest as nothing extra is needed for a satisfying session. So how to best do it. Nothing is ever as simple as 'one best way for all' so some real life examples picked up from various sources is possibly the best way of illustrating what is involved:
Lying on the bed facing up with legs together and ankles crossed. Index finger slipped between the labia majora so that it presses along the length of the clitoris. Gentle but firm wrist movements to make the inserted finger rub the clitoris in up and down, side to side and circular motions. Speed and strength of movement increased as excitement builds. Sensations increased by squeezing thigh muscles together at same time as finger rubbing clitoris.
Lying on back with legs drawn up and knees allowed to flop apart. Palm of hand placed on pubic mound and fingers allowed to rest on open vulva. Movement of hand to stimulate clitoris in side to side, up and down, circular and gentle pinching movements.
Lying face down on bed with both hands underneath and between legs. Fingers pressed against vulva and clitoris. Pelvic thrusts to move the genitals up and down against the fingers.
Sitting in a comfortable chair with legs well spread. Taking clitoris between the tips of both index fingers, rolling it around and pulling back on its hood to get maximum stimulation.
Who would have thought that two chemicals, namely hydrogen and oxygen,could be used to give you as a female pleasure, but it's true there are more ways to masturbate in water than you might think. Think bath tub here, think shower and think Jacuzzi/hot tub. All three can be used to great effect in the wonderful world magic kingdom of clitorial massage.
Let's look at the most common technique which involves the use of that neat little tool, the shower head. The hand held kind are especially useful for this approach. The first thing you want to do is adjust the temperature so that it is not too hot for the sensitive area of the vagina. You can always turn up the heat once you are accustomed to the temperature. Then find a comfortable position - either sitting on a seat within the shower, or lying down in the tub. Shower stalls can be a bit confining for this form of masturbation, but there is usually enough room to sit on the floor with your legs bent. I suggest for the first time that you do this that you not stand. I've found that when I'm nearing climax that my legs tend to weaken, and we don't want any unnecessary trips to the emergency room when you accidentally slip and fall.
Now, take the shower head and let the water spray over your body, feel the tingling sensations as it sprays against your breasts. Imagine the sensations are being created by the hands of your lover and spray where you want to feel the touch. Slowly make your way down your torso to your vaginal area. Spreading your legs, let the water reach up and down the insides of your thighs, and when your ready for advancing, move it closer to your clit. Remember that direct contact with your clit may be overpowering, so try moving the water stream back and forth. Try bringing it closer, and moving it farther away to cover a larger area.
You also might note that shower massagers come with many different settings to adjust the streams of the water - everything from mist to pulse. Experiment, try them all! Start with the lightest amount of pressure and work your way up. If you are sitting, you can always operate the water with one hand, and use the fingers on the other hand to either stimulate your breasts and nipples, or you can insert a finger or two and see how that feels.
The main point is to relax and let your body feel all that is happening to it. If it feels good, keep doing it. If it's not right, try sitting in a different position, change the water temperature, try a different pulse setting anything that makes if feel better.
Now we can move onto the bathtub. Like the shower head the bathtub holds many ways to excite and masturbate. Many women, myself included, enjoy lying on their backs in their bathtub and allowing the water from the faucet to wash over their vagina. This isn't always the easiest of positions to achieve but it can be great fun.
Fill the tub with water about halfway. Lie on your back, and bring your buttocks up so they are against or almost against the end of the tub with the faucet. Position your vagina as directly below the faucet as possible. Adjust the temperature and pressure of the water flow to your liking; you might have to tilt up your pelvis to bring your vagina closer to the water flow of the faucet. It might help to use one or both hands to spread open your labia (vagina "lips") so the water can flow directly onto your clitoris. Just one word of warning here, make sure the water isn't too hot! There is nothing worse that scolding your pussy and it certainly isn't pleasurable. Once you have found the right position, lie back, relax, fantasize, and enjoy!
"Occasionally I bring myself to orgasm in the bathtub. First I excite myself with fingers, and then I let the water on and get into an acrobatic position so my vagina is directly under the faucet. I start with the water warm or cool and at a low pressure on my clitoris. When I have gotten excited I run the water harder and lift myself closer to the water and let it pound into my vagina and then I come and it's the most fantastic feeling."
Another technique that can be fun involves filling an empty detergent bottle (one with a nozzle) or shampoo bottle with warm water. Sit in a full bath tub, ensuring your vulva is at least a couple of inches under water. Put the nozzle of the bottle as close as you like to your clitoris and squeeze. After each squeeze the bottle will spring back into shape, sucking in more water so there will be no need to stop for a refill.
If your lucky enough to own a hot tub/Jacuzzi,then the chances are you're already aware of the wonderful effects that the water that flows from it's jets can have on your body. I like to begin by simply relaxing in the tub and allowing the water to wash over me. At this point I'll open my mind and begin to fantasize, sometimes touching my breasts, other times just lying back and relaxing. Once my mind is aroused, I'll turn towards the water jets and position my vagina clitoris so it's directly in the path of the flowing water. A word of caution here: Never position yourself to close to the jet, as the flow of water is normally very strong from these jets. Begin by placing a fair amount of distance between yourself and the water jet and then move closer until you discover a spot that places just the right amount of pressure on your clitoris. Once you've found the right position, relax and enjoy the soothing sensation of the water as it washes over your body.
For those of us that take rather a long time to reach orgasm, continued manual stimulation becomes quite tiring and wrist fatigue has probably prematurely ended countless masturbation sessions for many women. If this is the case then the answer could well be to make the very small investment required to buy a vibrator.
When it comes to vibrators there are basicaly two types. Those operated by batteries and those that require mains electric. Whichever type you choose it's important to realise that both types are powerful although in general the mains electric ones more so.
It's a good idea not to use a vibrator directly on your clitoris the first time you ever try one because of this. You might well find that the stimulation they afford is too intense, so I'd suggest that you first try placing it on your labia or your mons. You may even want to try using it whilst you have your panties on as this can produce a different more subtle sensation than direct clitoral contact. Don't be afraid to try new things, they aren't called sex toys for nothing. The idea is to have fun and find what works for you personally.
One thing that is often over looked when people first try vibrators is lubricants. Just simply adding a small amount of lubricant on your choosen toy before you begin playing can greatly enhance your experience. Just be sure that the lubricant is sutiable for use with the vibrator of your choice.
Apart from commercially shop brought vibrators there are other vibrating devices that you could press into service for fun. For example, the back of the head of an electric tooth brush is great fun. The fact that it is really narrow allows it to be kept on the clitoris even if you like to squeeze your legs while you play. Automatic washing machines during spin cycle - if you can sit on it - are great. Electric shavers can be fun too, but you have to cover the cutting head. (I used this method as a girl at home several years ago. I would remove the cutting screen and would use sticking plasters to wrap the cutting head to make a padded surface with which to stimulate myself.) - Look around, you will find loads of things that vibrate in kitchens, bathrooms and garages and many can be used to masturbate, provided there are no sharp or moving parts that could hurt you.
Some women can achieve sexual pleasure -- even orgasm -- by simply squeezing or rubbing their thighs together, thus indirectly stimulating the clitoris. This technique can even be used in public! Without risk as there is nothing to show what you are doing and you can remain fully dressed! Long bus ride? Boring desk job or classroom? No problem!
Suggestions for getting started: When masturbating at home, make it a habit to press together your thighs when you orgasm. After that becomes second-nature, press your thighs when you can't stop yourself from having an orgasm (but haven't yet), and then pull your hands away -- leave it up to your legs to ride yourself over the top. You're bound to have a few frustrating flameouts, but the practice is worth it. Eventually, with the help of fantasy and association, you'll be able to proceed using only your thighs from earlier and earlier in the masturbation process.
Some women seem to prefer "riding the seam" of jeans; others like the greater closeness of hose or bare legs under a skirt or dress. Experiment to find what works for you.
"Rythmically squeezing your thighs is intensely pleasurable, even if you don't orgasm. And when you do......well, it is amazing. Especially if you are in a place where you could get caught!"
"I am so sensitive I do not even wear pants, only skirts and dresses. I have to sit squeezing myself with my thighs to keep some control over the sensation when I sit down. it really is a problem to be turned on all of the time."
A word of warning here. Care should always be taken when inserting any object into yourself. Excessive size or over enthusiastic movements can cause internal bruising or worse. Small objects or items that can break or shed parts can cause real problems, such as cutting or internal losses, both of which could require medical assistance to fix. Hygiene too has to be considered. Any germs on an inserted item are going to get into you and could cause infections of various types, it is often a good idea to place a condom over your choosen object. So be warned, if you want to insert something make sure it's safe.
Whatever you choose to insert, it will technically be a dildo, as dildo is the name for a substitute penis used for penetrative masturbation. For this reason we will just use the word dildo but you can read it as being whatever you have to hand (hair brush handle, carrot, candle etc..). First off, try to ensure your vagina is well lubricated, either with natural juices or some fporm of lubrication such as astroglide. Take it easy with the insertion, especially if the object you are using is larger than say a couple of fingers in diameter. Moving the dildo in and out gives a pleasant feeling but experiment with stirring actions and trying different angles of insertion. An angle where the head of the dildo is going to rub up the front wall of your vagina may be especially nice for you (it rubs on your 'G' spot). Working the dildo only takes one hand so it may be fun to use the other elsewhere, such as on your clitoris. This is the most likely way to have an orgasm as few women orgasm from vaginal stimulation only (though it is nice). It can also be fun to combine a didlo with a vibrator at this point as well, or perhaps invest in the type of dildo that also vibrates.
As with all masturbation the key is to be comfortable. A few positions that may suit you include:
Standing with one foot raised on something like a chair so that you can get access
Lying on the floor or on a bed with both legs drawn up and knees spread
Kneeling with knees wide apart. This can be enhanced by having a soft chair to lean forward onto. If the dildo is long enough to touch the floor and be inside you at the same, this can be an especially nice position, as pelvic thrusts will move the shaft inside your vagina without you needing to use your hands at all leaning back against a wall with your legs spread.
Dildos can also be used externally to good effect, especially the softer latex/silicone types that are commercially available. To try this option grease up your dildo with plenty of lube, place it in a flat surface that you can straddle (pile of cushions, arm of a sofa, edge of a bath tub etc) and sit on it so that it runs the length of your vulva from clitoris to anus. Slide your body back and forth so that your weight pushes your clitoris and other sensitive parts down onto the shaft as it slides through between your labia majora, and slide to and fro. If this becomes tiring then hold the position, grab the end of the dildo that is sticking out the front and work it back and forth against yourself.
It is worth considering issues of dildo size, especially if you are going to spend on a commercial one. First don't believe the myth that bigger is always better. The best is the one that suites you and that may be a long thin one, a short fat one or a long fat one (especially for those of us that have had children). You're no less of a woman if you want a small one or more of one if you want a king-size tool. It should be kept in mind that narrower shafts are easier to insert and allow faster stroking, whereas thicker ones take more inserting and are usually harder to work in and out, though they do give a pleasant 'stuffed' sensation. The bottom line is be realistic in deciding what you need and what you can handle before you buy, unless you can afford a selection!
Humping is thrusting your genitals against something hard or at least firm. Some examples of this include:
Sliding along the edge of the bath tub.
Sitting on a pillow or cushion or similar and rocking the hips back and forth. Lying face down with something like a chair leg pressed up against your vulva. Thrusting up and down to cause your clitoris to rub on the leg. A nicely shaped leg, with ridges etc, can be very pleasurable.
Strip off and lie on the floor face down. It works best if you are shaved down there but it works if you are hairy too. Press your pubic bone into the floor as hard as you can and rock your body like you are trying to crawl but don't work hard enough to actually move from the spot. The flesh on your pubis will be alternately pulled tight and made slack. This transmits to your clitoris through the outer lips and feels great after a minute or two. (Extra bonus - it is a good exercise for your waist too)
There is a range of techniques that all involve moving a cord or something similar back and forward along your vulva. Some examples:
Take a stocking or a pair of tights and hold the foot in one hand behind your back, let the fabric drape between your legs and hold the other end in your other hand at the front. The material should then be pulled up into the crotch so that it works into your vulva. Pulling it gently backwards and forwards causes it to stimulate your clitoris in a divine way. (PST: silk stockings are so much nicer than nylon for this!)
Using a cord off a dressing gown or a length of ribbon in the same way as detailed above is also fun. If the ribbon is to be specially purchased for this sort of play, try and get one about an inch wide and a yard long. One with the little edge loops is also worth considering. If its an option, try oiling the material up before playing by rubbing a little lubricant along it's length.
A long bead necklace or a synthetic pearl string can be great for this too. The knobs feel great as they slide by.
Tie a cord/ribbon/etc between the backs of two chairs so that it is suspended at crotch height. Step across, position the cord along your vulva and walk back and forward.
Masturbation need not be a hurried thing. If you have plenty of time, the excitement can be built up to amazing levels, and orgasms made stronger, if you go really slowly and tease yourself to a climax. The secret of this is light stimulation rather than the direct/intense stuff discussed earlier. A few personally tested ways of doing this are given below.
The very large and super soft round headed brushes that are designed for putting on powder foundation make wonderful masturbation tools. First wash yourself well and dry your clitoris and vulva thoroughly. Then, spread out on the bed/floor so that your vulva is wide open. This is one technique where being shaved can be an advantage.With very light flicking strokes tickle your clitoris and inner lips with the bristles of the brush. Stay away from your vaginal entrance as it will probably be/become moist and this moistness will collect on the brush and spoil the delicate stimulation it gives. Important - after a while the sensitivity of your clitoris will increase and you will feel like finishing yourself off quickly. Don't be tempted. The longer this stage lasts the greater the tension will be when you do cum and so the more explosive the climax. No matter how badly you want to drop the brush and finish yourself off quickly stick with the gentle flicking. It will get you there eventually and the journey is sooooo nice!!
A nice long quill, as long as it is clean, can be great fun. Apart from the flicking and brushing actions described above you can also enjoy a pulling the feather along your vulva like an extension of a single finger. As the feather is less susceptible dampness than a brush you don't need to keep away from your vagina so much. The great thing is that as you get more aroused and feel like pressing on harder the feather simply flexes and so the level of stimulation stays the same.
As was stated at the begining of the techniques section, there is no wrong way to masturbate. If you try something and it doesn't work for you then I suggest you try another but don't give up the first time you try. We live in a society that tells women that they must be missing out on something if they don't achieve orgasm.